Breaking up suck, they are uncomfortable, hard, no one looks forward to them and they can be quite hurtful. One of the worst types of breakups is those with people who you still care for. Depending on how serious your relationship was and what led to it ending, it would make sense for you want to keep them in your life, even as friends. But relationships aren’t always so simple.
Changing the dynamic of your relationship isn’t going to happen overnight, in fact, it might take quite a while. It’s very rare for a couple to break up and be back to being friends in a couple of weeks, there are many emotions you need to work through and keeping your ex-partner in your life during that time would be counterproductive.
You don’t also need to feel the urge to “get over it” quickly either. Even if it was the most civil of breakups, you would need an ample amount of time to adjust your feelings, otherwise, if you rush the healing process, you’re just inviting trouble.
This isn’t to say that it’s impossible or even extremely difficult to be friends with your ex, there are plenty of examples of ex-couples staying friends even after the relationship has gone sour. But you do need to be careful and take your time because if you don’t take the necessary steps, you’re just looking at more hurt down the line.
That’s why we’ve made a list of 7 reasons why you might not be ready to be friends with your ex.
You have unresolved feelings.
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You don’t get over a break up in a day, it’s just not possible. Even if the relationship was a quick fling, we as humans can’t help but leave ourselves extremely vulnerable to the people we might be interested in. So when everything ends, that hurt doesn’t go away so easily.
It might stick around for weeks, months and years, and even if you think you’re “over it”, those feelings might come rushing back when you least expect it.
So instead of trying to find solutions to how you can be friends with your ex, instead focus that attention on how you can move on with your life.
Just talking about your ex makes you upset.
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The best way to tell you aren’t ready to be friends with your ex? You can’t get through a conversation about them without getting upset.
If just thinking about them fills you with anger, resentment, frustration or even sadness, then it’s way too soon to be even thinking about being friends with your ex.
You can’t handle your ex dating another person.
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This is pretty self-explanatory; how can you expect to be friends with someone if the mere thought of them being interested in someone else turns your stomach inside out. To be genuine friends with someone means to be completely honest with them, otherwise, friendship can’t last.
So if your ex starts talking about being interested in someone else and you pretend to be okay with, all you’re doing is creating a time bomb and when it explodes you two might never become friends.
You still want to get back together.
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Is there a part of you that still thinks there’s a chance that it could all work out and you two will get back together, and you think that starting by being friends again is the first step to that dream? Look, there are instances of relationships getting a second chance and working out, but if you begin a new relationship with that kind of hidden motives, it might not end well.
It isn’t a healthy direction for either of you. And if your ex finds out about your motives, it might create a rift between the two of you that might not heal.
So if you’re hoping for another chance with them, friendship is not the way to go about it.
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One of the worst things about a breakup is the loneliness that accompanies it. So it’s understandable that you would want to keep being friends with your ex even if it’s just to avoid that loneliness. However, that’s just a small term solution to a long term problem. The loneliness is one of the reasons why on-again-off-again relationships are even a thing.
If you’re serious about getting over your ex, then fight that loneliness with getting a hobby instead of depending on your ex.